Growing Up: Finding Balance

October 9, 2018raelaf
Blog post
I’ve come to terms with the fact that there is no winning in Motherhood. 
What I mean is, it’s hard work! And everything balances out in a weird way that involves winning and losing. Let me explain… 
Working as a mom is probably the biggest change in my life. I still have the same career I did before I had a baby but now everything is so different. The only way I can go to work is if my baby goes to daycare. So he goes to daycare and I pay for it with the money I make by going to work. The problem is that daycare takes most of my paycheck. So I’m basically paying for myself to go to work (good thing I love my job). Or I could look at it as I’m working so that Theo can go to daycare (good thing he loves daycare). Either way, going to work and sending Theo to daycare pretty much balances out depending on how you look at it. 
The other problem is that when Theo goes and hangs out with other kids he brings home colds, stomach bugs, and other contagious (but common) diseases. Which he then gives to me. Which leads me to being too sick to work sometimes. Which means I have to stay home from work. But… isn’t he going to daycare so that I CAN work?? See… there is no winning! 
Another one of my frustrations is the balance between being myself and having my own interests and hobbies and having mom guilt. So Theo goes to daycare 5 days a week and I only work 4 days. Which gives me one full day to practice my food photography, write, work on my blog, meal prep, grocery shop in peace, and clean the house. It’s wonderful! I know it’s a luxury and I do not take it for granted for one second. But then the mom guilt hits hard. I go to the store and see moms with their 2 or 3 kids having tantrums and I feel so incredibly guilty that I get to do my thing while someone else takes care of my baby. I feel guilty that I’m not spending every single second with him while he is so young. But I also try to remind myself that he loves daycare. And seeing the photos they send me of him also helps remind me.
I guess I can’t really say there is no winning… because I hit the jackpot with Theo. He is truly the happiest baby I’ve ever met. And he makes every day so much more fun with his dancing, smilIng, giggling self! I guess it’s just all about finding balance.
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